I guess I will admit this once.. still haven't said it aloud.. But you're right... I have already passed my 6 month mark. I honestly have no idea where the time went.. Really. It's baffling me and I still can't, not that I refuse to accept it, but CAN'T believe it's already gone by so fast. My companion tried to make it a happy celebration the other week.. poor poor Sister Lee.. I was so angry after that. But I am excited for Angie and Stu.. 3rd trimester!!! So excited to be closer to seeing my cutest new nephew! And then the other reason I bring this up.. I am so grateful for the new heightened awareness it has given me on how fast this time really goes. Every returned missionary I ever talked with told me to "soak it all up because it goes too fast!" I can firmly add testimony to that statement. Wish there were a solution.. but since there isn't.. have just taken it to push me to work harder. I wish there were a way that I could use all of this precious time wisely and perfectly.. That I didn't make mistakes and find myself stumbling over Korean or teaching Gospel principles.. that I could just offer myself up like Christ did and find myself walking after His perfect path and following God's will without error. The faster time flies by, the harder it gets to fall more in love with the gospel, with Korea and this specific area.. and then feeling like you need to give more, but not knowing how.. all with a ticking clock.. time bomb. And then comes my strengthened testimony of the Atonement.
I haven't doubted my call to this beautiful country.. But this week was really hard for me.. starting out another transfer with a Korean companion.. and going back to not understanding all that is going on.. and not having a companion who lived almost half their live in Canada (like Sister Lee) makes the translation gone unsaid. It's been really hard for me to fall so in love with certain investigators and then not be able to understand what they're saying.. not understand how to help them.. and I had a moment of despair as I asked myself why I was sent to a Mission where my testimony is silenced.. where my testimony goes unsaid.. where I sit in confusion and don't know how to help these amazing people.. It was a rough week.. a humbling week. Family.. trials suck. They're hard and disappointing. They always seem to come at the worst times and go on for forever... They stink! But I am so so grateful for all that they do and add to my life. I was thinking a lot about all the hardships of my life.. the times where I really thought I couldn't go on.. where tomorrow wasn't going to come. Times that haven't just happened since I started my service, but throughout my life.. and I was really surprised with how vividly they stood out to me in my mind. I could remember every single detail of them.. the bad, ugly and then the rejoicing times afterwards. Why in the world did my mind have such a fond memory of such depressing times, I have no idea.. and then I was able to remember the lessons that I learned from them.. the strengthened testimony I gained.. and the new found power I found to face the next big trial of my life. Family.. trials suck.. But where would my life be without them? Where would we be if we couldn't remember them and reflect on what God needed to teach us?
I am so grateful for the trials that come into my life.. including the ones that make me question my abilities to learn Korean.. I am so grateful for the reliance they humble me to... the reliance they humble me to on my Savior Jesus Christ! I know that with Him and His atonement.. we can do all things and look back on our lives.. and understand what we needed to learn. I love how purifying our trials are.. and how we can visible see the change that they make in our lives.. I may not be the missionary I want to be quite yet.. but just like the water filter in our house.. all three of them.. it is a process well worth it. Family.. You've got this, you have the Savior on your side.. and I know He loves you!
Thank you so much for your love and strength and prayers.. Keep coming unto Christ. Keeping helping others come unto Chirst.
All my love,
MY WONDERFUL MTC DISTRICT!!