Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Another one bites the dust

The clock ticks and my brain tires of information from learning yet another Korean grammar form... it's only been 5 minutes, 6 more hours of classroom instruction left. I've waited what has felt like an eternity for October to arrive... and now there are only 11 days until DEPARTURE. As I look back in retrospect, all I keep asking myself is where has the time gone?????? It was just yesterday I entered my classroom and stared at a red head repeating jiberish to me, knowing without a doubt I walked into the wrong classroom. Each day has felt like a half life, and yet... a fraction of a blink of an eye. Time is so very precious to us on earth.... Not only is it our time, our only time to prepare to meet God, but this precious time, with every action and day throughout this life will have great eternal impact on the rest of forever. This places a lot of pressure on a 21 year old sister... girl... 

As I thought about this heavy burden placed upon my shoulders, to make every last second count, to face all mountains placed before me.. the truth of fore-ordination continually enters my mind. We are told that we were predestined to come to earth at this specific time.. the time designated as the dispensation of time. When the Gospel has been restored to the earth, and for the last time. Well.... what about Moses? Nephi, Moroni or Joseph? I have come to have a firm testimony of each of their lives. Of their specific times, callings and foreordained work. God has sent us to Earth with our own calling as well... and as unqualified as I feel about serving a mission.. I can't even fathom how Nephi felt as a preteen being called to slay a king. Or how Moses felt as the Lord commanded Him to part the red sea. But regardless of how they felt, God knew who they were and who they were going to become and He called them... and for what purpose? To bring about the Eternal Life and Immortality of man. From the very beginning of earth, God's purpose has been the same. Why would that change now with mine own calling?? I am a noble a great, one of His noble and great and with that comes my purpose, the same as those called in the past, to bring about the salvation of the Children of God. 

I could be wrong, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that none of the biblical, ancient or even modern men called of God were prepared or even qualified for the task ahead of them. Nor was I ready to be called as a full time representative of my Savior. But I know that I have been called by the same God and that He will magnify us in our callings. I may not have been called to lead the Nephite armies out of captivity or to be tarred and feathered... But I have decided that whatever come my way, whatever stands to face me or tear me down, "I endure all things for the elects sake, that they may also obtain the Salvation which is in Christ Jesus with Eternal Glory" (2 Time 2:10) I will "endure hardness, as a good SEOULDIER of Jesus Christ." (2 Time 2:3) LOL. 

A great task lies a head of me.. days without end.. tears without cease... yet... joy without comprehension, love without end. I know the happiness these servants of the Lord felt.. and I would be willing to endure endless MTC food for it. I love my Savior... almost as much as I know He loves us. He is more than just my rock.. He is my Savior, friend, Redeemer, comforter, confidant, support, teacher and exemplar. He is the one I would be willing to give my life for.. This may sound premature... but I never want my mission to end. I have dreamt in anxious anticipation for this opportunity and it hasn't been a penny what I thought it would be. My creative imagination failed to create the greatest experience of my life. and....... I'm still here.. in good ole Provo, UT. 

I think I was right in warning you that every email could begin with best week ever.. But in all honesty, I don't think a week could top this last one. Let me just rewind to my very first week in the MTC.. to the time I prayed in Korean for the very first time.. My eyes watered and my heart felt so full I knew it would burst. Fast forward 3 weeks later.. to the time I bore my testimony for the first time in Korean and then trying to find the words to express my gratitude for the words I received in my time of need... And then there was fast sunday. Time was limited and there were 24 people in front of me... It took all of my concentration to truly listen to what my fellow missionaries were saying and my spot in line took me by surprise. I walked up to the podium... and every gospel centered conversation I'd ever had, girls camp testimony meeting I'd ever been to ;), every scriptural Jerusalem site I'd ever visited and every heartfelt prayer I had ever offered flooded my memory and I was completely overwhelmed with the spirit. 

I don't care if I have a single baptism for my entire mission, baptism is not what converts us. What converts us is reading the scriptures and feasting on the words found therein. It's praying to a loving Heavenly Father because you know He there. It's serving others and constantly standing as a witness of Christ. the pathway down conversion is not easy. None of the moments I've written home about have come free of charge.. But I know what the charge gets us. I knows what will come if we continually exercise faith. I have been scared out of my mind day in and day out.. but my conversion has carried me.. It's going to carry me straight to Korea in 11 days. I may have choked up at the end of my testimony... But to have the sweetest confirmation and affirmation of not only what I believe, but know was worth the price of a few sniffles. 

He saves us from everything and with Him all things are possible. I am a missionary, I am His missionary and He will magnify me in my calling. "Let heaven and hell combine against me." I will continually work harder, be exactly obedient and sacrifice all to the Lord. I know that he has the power to keep all His promises and that there isn't a point in time when we need to give up on that promise. Family... I love you so much. There isn't a prayer I say that doesn't express my gratitude for you or my desires for your blessings. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today.. I still have so much to work on, but I don't blame you in the slightest... only except to blame you for making me want to be better. Thank you for your love and support... for your prayers and for answering my prayers. I can't say thank you enough, but I hope that through my actions, you will feel of that love. 


All my love,  
Willcox Jaymeh 

ps. "When we put god first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities."  (President Ezra Taft Benson)
pss... we received new natives this week.. In case you were wondering.. I look like a Korean KPOP star and they all freaked out when they met me.. so.. feel free to ask for my autograph.
psss... the Native Elders always forget their keycards and end up locking themselves out of their rooms.. their reenactment of "do you want to build a snowman" whenever one of them has locked himself out has never been louder, sounded or looked funnier.
pssss... zone leaders and sister training leaders got cell phones this week... hit me up on my flip phone!!!
psssss.... I CRIED WHEN THE KOREAN CHILDREN SANG IN THE WOMEN'S BROADCAST.. I CANT WAIT TO BE IN KOREA AND LOVE THEM AND JUST LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE. oh also, they decided to only let elders sing at general conference for the priesthood session.. sad day and I don't want to talk about it. 

Sister Simonsen (my teacher, amazing and such a positive influence to me) and sister smith!! our ZR trainer! She's the sweetest!

My companion, Sister Bryan and I.

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